Fitting for a nursing bra

Everyone recommended that I go to the hospital to fit for a nursing bra around 38 weeks, so I went today to Newborn connection for a fitting. They are affiliated with CMPC.

Very disappointing. First, she asked me what my bra size was and I said I rather she tells me, so I can see how accurate it is. She took out an old fashion soft tape ruler and measured me roughly and guessed I was currently a 36D. WRONG!

I am wearing a 38B bra. She is way off. I plan to go to Mimi Maternity this weekend to see what they say, but needless to say, I don't think hospitals necessarily know what they are talking about in terms of size of my nursing bra. Either that or I met a "dud" today. oh well.

- Lei

Another great OB visit - 16 days to go

My OB is so calming. I love seeing her and of course, it's always nice for her to tell us good news
- All is progressing normally
- my Group B strep is negative (which is good)
- my baby is medium size right now
- I gained a pound since last week
- I can still do yoga and other activities as usual
- I can return to yoga a month after birth as well as getting massages
- She can feel the head of my baby (wow)
- I am expected to deliver on time as nothing is happening too much down there yet
- She also told us CPMC pretty much provide us everything when we check in, so no need to bring a lot of stuff except Jaime's change of clothes, a set of pajama, a set of clothes to leave the hospital for baby and me + any entertainment stuff we want. The hospital will provide juices, popsicles, towel, toothbrush, toothpaste, baby clothes/ blanket while she is there. No wonder everyone loves the CPMC for delivery

We cannot wait to meet out daughter. already dreaming about her :-)

Another fabulous baby shower

Thanks to Helina, Judy, and Lilian, I had another fabulous baby shower in the city on April 5 - this time with my girlfriends in the city.

Helina, as usual was a gracious host, who bought all the yummy food, and offered her place for the shower. Judy went to 8 or 9 stores so she can put together a great favor package for all the guests and Lilian led the games and festivities. Thank you so much.

Click here to see all the photos from the shower. Let me know if you want me to send you any.

Here are my favorite highlights from the shower:
- the food: organic strawberry and blueberry fruit tarts (wow - out of this world); cheesecake shower cake (took half home and enjoyed it with Jaime for another week) - yummy; endless watermelon. Helina probably bought enough food for 30 people.
- Game "Find the safety pin in rice" - never thought it would be hard, but it was almost indistinguishable in your hand since you cannot look. The highest score was finding 3 in 1 min.
- Of course, baby Noah stole the show when he showed up. Everyone was enchanted
- I think I found at least one future babysitter (Cindy). It was so cute how much she loved playing with Noah. Cindy, expect a call from us soon :-)

Thanks again everyone for coming and getting the fabulous and practice shower gifts. 2.5 weeks to go.

- Lei

Baby Shower Gifting Etiquette - Do's and Dont's

Now that I have been invited to a few showers and had 3 myself, I thought I provide a little advice to anyone who is invited to a baby shower for the first time, in case it helps. It would have helped me years ago when I was invited to my first one.

I am still amazed at the whole shower ritual since it's not part of the Chinese culture as well as amazed as the vastly different consideration people give when they attend a shower and/or give a gift.

Do's
- Cash, checks, gift cards are king! They give the most flexibility to the mother-to-be and are always useful for diaper funds and any unforeseen future needs. If she didn't specify a store, Babies R Us, Target, or Lullaby Lane are probably best. I am personally less of a fan of Baby Gap - over priced stuff and shitty return policies
- Buy something from their registry! Parents-to-be usually spend hours researching for the right gears and stuff for their baby and put it on their registry. They consider safety issues, comfort, ease of use, parent feedback etc... They would be ecstatic to get something they actually registered for. This sounds like simple instructions. You would be amazed how many people don't follow it no matter how much you ask them to do it for you. About 30-40% of the gifts I receive were off the registry.
- Include a gift receipt for everything (whether it's from the registry of not). Even if you buy something on the registry, help out the new parent-to-be and include a gift receipt. It's a lot easier for returns. Why would they want to return something they registered for, you ask? Well, just because we registered for it, does not mean we would or the baby would actually like it once we received it. Many of the items on the registry are viewed online and sometimes when we get it, we are quite disappointed with the quality. It would be nice to have the receipt so we can easily return it and get something else we need

Donts
- If you accept a shower invitation, don't be cheap - buy a gift that is at least $20. I am surprised at the cost of giving a shower, but for most of us middle to upper class folks, a baby shower can easily cost the hostess (usually good friends of the mother-to-be) $20 a person or more for the favors, game prizes, and food. While any gift should be appreciated, if you do plan to attend a baby shower, have some class and provide a gift that is at least $20. Otherwise, it can be an insult to the hostess and potentially very embarrassing for you. If $20 is too much for you, don't attend the shower and send whatever you want. This is not about the money. It's just that since the baby shower ritual exists, it seems to be an unspoken rule.
-If you want to give a gift, don't go rogue and not provide a gift receipt. If you don't attend any baby showers, no one expect you to give a gift unless you want to. If you do want to, try to avoid going off the registry and buy something you think the mother-to-be will need. More likely than not, you will be wrong. Most new moms already warned me that I will get too much clothes especially I am having a girl. I tried to remedy that by asking people to buy from our registry and still I ended up with enough clothes for two babies between 0-6 months and not much after that. So many gift givers just want to give something that looks cute to them and not consider the hassle for the mother-to-be because she will want to return them and get something she can use or the waste it incurs when she realized that she has no idea where to return the stuff since there are no gift receipts. Perhaps I am too practical, but some gifts causes more frustration than appreciation since the gift giver is well intended but I ended up with something useless than takes up storage space.

At the end of the day, I am personally very lucky. From never intending to have any baby showers, I received 3 fabulous ones and much love and celebration at each. Between friends and family, we got at least 80% of what we need for the baby already and as I mentioned more clothes than we will ever need. For the most part, I have been able to returns gift that I don't need and get store credit. There are a few that I can't but c'est la vie. I guess it's part of the American culture.

- Lei

The Safe Baby Pregnancy Guide

This looks like a must have book: 28 Safe Baby Pregnancy Tips

Tip number one especially hit home. See honey, I told you you're not supposed to do that! Love you anyway.





I'm going to have to buy this one as should anyone who's having a baby.


- Jaime

False alarm!

I called my OB this morning since I thought I lost my mucous plug. After talking to the nurse, I realized it was a false alarm.

First, the mucous plug apparently is about a cups worth of thick mucous that blocks the cervix. Since I only lost less than a teaspoon, it just means the process for preparing for labor is starting but I am probably still 3 weeks away. I will probably lose the rest of it gradually over the next few weeks.

Since also it was clear and had no blood, this is completely on track for 37 weeks. Before I talked to them, I got anxious this morning thinking I have to do everything today or this weekend in case I have early labor. Now I am much more relaxed and looking forward to having at least 2-3 weeks before the actual event.

Now it's time for a nap. :-)

- Lei

I lost my mucuous plug!

ok, stop reading if you don't want to know anything in graphic detail about the pregnancy!

As always, I get up several times in the middle of the night to pee. At 4:45am last night, I noticed that I am losing my mucous plug. It's a small amount of thickened mucus that has sealed my cervical canal during the last nine months to protect against bacteria etc. I lost about 1/2 of teaspoon and they say it could happen all at once or gradually. I guess as my cervix startis to thin in preparation for labor and delivery, this plug will loosen and discharge.

As I am 37 weeks pregnant and the mucous plug is clear in color, this is normal - just a sign that things are starting to move along inside - exciting and scary. I have also started feel braxton hicks contractions. not painful, but weird. My whole tummy just tighten up for awhile and then it relaxed. It's not regular, so I know it's not real labor.

I wonder if I will deliver early. Some books say losing your mucous plug has no indication of when labor may start. It could 1, 2, or 3 weeks away. Since I am still 3 weeks away from my due date, I interpret this as actually I may labor earlier. Another book actually only said up to a week or more away - wow, that would be very soon. Not sure if we are all prepared for that yet.

This is making me want to get everything done this weekend just in case. Anyways, only time can tell what this actually means. Either way, we will soon meet our daughter. :-)

- Lei

"Musical" Bed

This is not a post about the crib... that's coming. Like Musical Chairs, "Musical Bed" is what I started doing with my husband at night in the last week or so. Because my stomach is getting so big, it has been hard to sleep well or through the night.

We actually have 3 places we can sleep in our apt - our bedroom, the guest bedroom, or the couch - each with it's level of firmness, incline, and advantages. For 3 months now, I have been getting up frequently at night since my little one loves to play with my bladder and I drink about 3-4 glasses of water at night to stay hydrated.

To add to that, in the last couple of weeks, I have taken up the habit of switching beds to sleep in to get more comfortable - my definition of "Musical" Bed. Poor Jaime basically gets kicked out of wherever he is sleeping if that is my next preferred sleeping destination. Yeah, we have been sleeping separately since I need a lot of room to be comfortable.

Surprisingly the couch has become my favorite place to switch to in the middle of the night. Since my tummy is big, on a flat bed, it almost feel like I am sleeping inclined downward with my stomach pushing toward my face and cutting off some circulation or giving me heart burn. Since the couch has more softness, my stomach can sink a bit when I sleep side ways there creating less pressure toward my chest. Who knew?

This is unfortunate for Jaime as he has taken up the habit of falling asleep in front of the TV on the couch. I basically kick him off the couch in the middle of the night, so I can try to continue to sleep. Luckily for me, he has been very cooperative and usually I can get another 2-3 hours of sleep that way - sometime snoring soundly.

Thanks honey for allowing me to play "musical" bed with you at night. Three more weeks to go!

- Lei

Another great fashion exchange !

On april 11, we had another fun fashion exchange event for the Divas. Thanks Ajantha for letting us use your place and please send us the pics you took as I didn't bring my camera.

And thank you Judy for writing a great post about it on her blog, so I won't repeat. Click here to get all the details.

Needless to say, we will have to have another fashion exchange in the fall. Maybe by then, my little girl will make a debut as well. :-)

p.s: Ajantha, I hope you will wear that "69" shirt out one of these days (hugs and kisses)

- Lei

Enjoying the silence..

It was beautiful this past weekend, so I was able to wear this tube top I bought awhile back. Do I look huge?

It's funny how everyone has a different opinion. Some would say I must be having twins while others cannot believe I am this small and so close to delivering...

As for me, I feel just right. I think it's the yoga that help me adjust well to my new weight every week. Being in my 37th week, I haven't got anxious yet and surprisingly enjoying my time off every day.

I actually like it that time is passing slowly right now. Maybe I will get anxious next week or later. Right now, I would stop sometime and just listen and enjoy the silence. I know that's not going to be around much longer when the little one comes. I am sure I will enjoy her as well. But for these last four weeks, it's still just me and Jaime - I want to treasure this precious time and enjoy ourselves while we still can.

While I am so close to delivering, I still cannot believe I will be producing a baby out of my stomach or be a mom. A part of me is just enjoying this last moments of thinking only about me. I know that's all going to change when my baby comes into this world. So miraculous and strange.

I hope I don't become just a mom and nothing else. I think we can all choose to be who we want to be even with child. I still want to have fun with girlfriends, Jaime, and my little girl. I still want to travel and work and be a good mom. I am optimistic that all is possible if I just keep an open mind. I am lucky that Jaime is very open minded as well. I look forward to yet more adventures with him and our little girl for many years to come

-Lei

The Final Stretch!

Literally and timing-wise. Just when I think my stomach cannot possibly stretch any further, I do. I have less than 4 weeks to go - yikes!

She is, at least, fairly gentle and gradually wiggles so my tummy can keep stretching. Before last night, I thought I am probably done stretching since I am huge already, but no, she proves me wrong again. I could literally feel myself growing last night and definitely feel bigger this morning.

Thank god I am no longer working. I cannot really sit more than an hour without having to rest or stretch. At least I can still walk pretty well everyday. As of today, I have gained about 36 pounds - WOW! Hopefully she will stop me around 40 pounds.

Her movements are so pronounced now, although no visible foot or fist through my skin, but I can almost guess what part of her is moving now given the size of the bump I feel through my skin. I rather like her movements. It comforts me to think she is active and doing well. She is facing downward now for about 4 weeks already. I have no idea how babies can be upside down for so long and not get a head rush. I guess she is in fluids, so it's different.

Can't wait to meet her next month. :-)

- Lei

Men Feel the Pain of Pregnancy Too!

So I came across this quaint little diagram of how Huichol Indian women share their pregnancy pain with there husbands. All I can say is, "Thank God Lei and I are Asian!"

In case you can't read the diagram and are too lazy to click on the pic, it reads:

"Huichol Indians are descendants of the Aztecs, and live in the mountains of North Central Mexico. During traditional childbirth, the father sits above his laboring wife on the roof of their hut. Ropes are tied around his testicles and his wife hold onto the end of these ropes. Each time she feels a painful contraction, she tugs on the ropes so that her husband will share some of the pain of bringing their baby into the world."

It hurts me just looking at this diagram.

- Jaime

Happiness depends on me

Taking a break from "baby talk" ....

A friend of mine sent me this article a few weeks ago, called The Case for Settling for Mr Good Enough and asked me what I thought. It's a very long article, but the basic idea seems to be, in order to be happy, women should settle and marry Mr. Good Enough once they hit a certain age instead of staying single and waiting for Mr. Perfect.

I was surprised that the article actually made me think a lot... Perhaps I have too much time on my hand. My take is the article actually misses the point all together. I think happiness in relationships and marriage starts with you and not as much the mate you choose. I like to think this because it gives us women more power in the matter of our happiness. If we want the happiness we see others have in marriage, we must start from within with Self-Awareness, Confidence, and Openness.

Self Awareness
First, it take some self awareness to realize that there is no Mr. Perfect. Trying to find Mr. Perfect is only a losing battle. I only learned this myself in my 30s as I looked for Mr. Perfect in all of my 20s and never found any. I was very quick to start seeing the flaw in others with every guy I dated. Not a fun or rewarding experience. Not surprisingly, everyone I met had flaws. In my 30s, I realized however, if I for some reason, found Mr. Perfect, what is to say he will think I am Ms. Perfect?. Also, what can I contribute to the relationship if he is already perfect. That's when I changed my thinking and started looking for someone I can compliment.

Another part of self awareness is knowing what you must have in a relationship to be happy and what you can give up. This, to me, is NOT the same as settling, but more like self-understanding. There are probably AT MOST 10-15 attributes we need to be happy with our mate. Do you know what yours are? Can you distinguish that from that 50 other things that you may also want but can probably live without?

Lastly i find self awareness helpful to keep me realistic about who I can attract and can be attracted to me. I know a friend today who is probably a "7" but would only want to date men who are "9," but not too surprisingly none of those men want to date her. While this seems harsh, it also seems to be reality. Not everyone lives in it though. Unfortunately there is no easy way to tell a friend this even if you have the best intentions. The journey to self awareness needs to be self-initiated

Confidence
Another important factor to happiness is confidence. Let's say you know the 10 things you need in a mate to be happy and you know you are realistic about the type of men you can attract. As you get older, will you start waiving on what you need? I read a book from the eHarmony founder once that said if you only get 9 out of 10 of what you really need in a mate, then you could still be unhappy for the rest of your life in that marriage because you and your mate will always fight about that one thing.

Perhaps some people are ok with that, but I would call that settling. It takes a certain confidence to stick to what you need and to believe that you deserve to marry someone who have all 10 attributes of what you need. I am not talking perfection here. One of the ten things could be "we both want children" or "we both have similar level sex drive". On the other hand, "he has to be a good cook" is probably not one of the ten attributes that anyone needs to be happy. It may be what you want, but knowing the difference is self awareness and marrying someone only when you found everything you need takes confidence.

Openness
Last, but not the least is openness. Finding a good mate requires us to be open minded about what form they may come in. I used to know a woman who says I must marry someone who is smart and then turns around and actually only dates men who has a MBA from the top 20 schools. Then she complains that there are no good men out there. I find that tragic that she is missing out on so many smart men who may have not chosen to get a MBA or any graduate degrees. Heck, many CEOs today never finished college or go to a top tier college. By narrowing the criteria so tightly, this woman is only doing herself a disservice and probably missing out on chances to meet a good mate.

Similarly I hear about friends who only want to date someone successful and then if they are online, set the criteria at $100K in annual income. How arbitrary is that... and then of course, there are also those that says I can't do the online thing. Well, why the heck not? It can only increase your chances. Sometimes we seem to focus so much on saying that there are no good men out there for us as an excuse for our unhappiness, when in fact many times, we have limited our focus so much that it is us who is responsible for not finding that special someone and not so much that they are not out there.

Openness also mean being able to open up and be vulnerable once there is some potential in your dates. As we get older, I think we build a lot more walls around us. It is the same for men and women and frankly if you are waiting for the men to open up first, you may be waiting a long time. They do mature slower you know and someone has to lead the way and take a risk. Only when you take risks with your vulnerability in your emotion can you elicit possible openness.

At the end of the day, I believe it's our action and changes from within that can affect our own happiness with our current or future mate... There are many people out there doing the same thing over and over again and dating the same kind of men and then complain that life sucks. Well, change something within could help much more because doing the same thing over and over again expecting different result is the definition of insanity. We are not insane but I think it is just easier to blame others for our unhappiness.

Well, I believe we have the power to create our own happiness by changing our own perspective and action in life. There is no need to settle and get married when you reach a certain age. Marriage does not equate to happiness anyways since more than 50% of marriage fail in the US. Why settle and get those odds? With self-awareness, confidence, and openness, couldn't we all find Mr. Right eventually?

I know I found mine. He may not have come when I was 28 as I planned and is far from perfect, but I know we make each other better people when we are together and I know I can grow in life with him. I am an optimist I guess and believe everyone can find their right match if they just focused more energy on growing from within and changing themselves and their perspectives first.

- Lei

"Don't be a hero!"

This is probably the most important advice I have gotten so far in my pregnancy. Since I am in my 8th month now, Jaime and I took our childbirth classes this month. While I learned a lot, it also freaked me out as we saw many explicit videos of late stage labor without epidural and very visual child birth. Let's just say I didn't walk away feeling too settled. The potential for real pain was quite daunting.

I was also conflicted. My mom had me without any epidural and actually at the time in China, no relatives were allowed in the labor and delivery room. She basically did it all alone. Yikes. can't even imagine that!

Also, I thought since this is a natural part of being a woman, maybe I should try the labor first before deciding on whether to use epidural. of course, on the other hand, I am fairly scared of the pain I saw women experienced on these videos.

Well, luckily I spoke to some friends who already had babies and was set straight right away. One friend's story especially helped. She has two kids now, one 3 years old and one six months old. She had the epidural early with her first, so she felt relatively little discomfort. With her second, she thought since she didn't experience much in her first and this is her last, maybe she should feel the labor a bit and see how far she can handle before going for the epidural.

Well, what do you think happened? Let's just say she highly does not recommend that. She ended up not getting her epidural until well into active labor and since she was deciding late, she had to wait longer for the epidural doctor to administer the procedure since there was a line now for the medicine. So even more pain than she bargained for.

So the morale of her story - "Don't be a hero!" You don't get any points for feeling more pain. The goal is healthy mom and healthy baby anyway you can do it!

I have my decision...
p.s: Apparently getting an Epidural does not guarantee pain free. I will feel pressure and if the medicine didn't cover all the necessary nerves, I will still feel pain in some areas. Typically it's 15% ineffective. Pretty high probability still... yikes...

- Lei

Lesson of the Week