A life well lived

Ernie Norback - a loving husband, a world traveler, a English partner, a community leader, a lawyer and business owner, an intellectual, a loving, caring family man, and a grandfather to me.  I am very sad that he passed away this year in Feb at the age of 96.  I have known him since I was 11 years old when my father introduced me to him and his wife Aileen as his Stanford English partners - someone who helped my dad learn English.

We have kept in touch ever since - had many dinners talking about the latest travel, books, politics. and in fact Ernie and Aileen have been my American grandparents attending all my major milestones including meeting various boyfriends, my husband and my daughter, attending my Stanford graduation and my wedding in 2007.  I will always remember his enthusiasm for life, for debate, for travel and his constant curiosity and I am always in awe of how mentally sharp he was even in his 90s.

I will miss him dearly but I have to let him go as Cancer had caused him so much pain in the last few months of his life.  I do believe in some kind of heaven above and I hope he is looking down on us smiling as he realize how much I appreciate he and Aileen's presence in my life and how the way he lived his life has inspired me to live mine also with passion and adventure.  I will always remember him in my heart.

- Lei

Life is too short - Hug your loved ones

Sorry, but this may be kind of a morbid post but I thought it's important to keep life in perspective. In the last few weeks, I found out 3 horrible news

• One person committed suicide. He was in his mid-20s and a friend of a friend's brother
• One person died of cancer. He was in his early 30s and was a friend of an ex-colleague. He could have been saved, but ignored the symptoms until it was too late.
• One person is in critical condition and in a coma still. He is in his late 30s and a high school friend of Jaime. His friend was driving too fast on the freeway and both were not wearing seating belts. His friend died instantly and he is struggling for his life.

Why am I being such a downer? Well, these news just remind me that life is short and fleeting. We all need to be responsible for the decisions we make in life. Unfortunately, the decisions these people made in life caused them the ultimate price. It's so sad that they were/are so young. We all need to respect the how fragile life can be. We all need to take time to also take care of ourselves. That means, reaching out for help when needed, going to the doctor if we have symptoms, and minimize reckless behavior.

It also makes me think of all the other decisions we make in life. While they are not deadly, they affect our quality of life. We decide everyday whether we will criticize others or ourselves, whether we will be nice or mean to others, whether we will fight with others over petty little things. They may seem small but they add up and causes us and others to be hurt.

Life is so short. With these stories in mind, all I want to do is hug my loves ones and tell them how much I love them every day (regardless of my flaws and their flaws). I remind myself that pointing fingers at anyone is a waste of life energy and time. We are all flawed in someway and it is how we respond to situations that makes us human and possibly great or weak.

If we experience hurt in anyway in life, our instinct is to blame others, but really it's much better to first look at ourselves and say, what can I change? How am I contributing to this? Life is precious and takes patience, forgiveness, and humility everyday. So whatever it is that is going on, remember to hug your loved ones everyday!

- Lei

When In Doubt

- go to Bikram yoga (great for headaches, stress release, exercise, and a calming mind) and dance classes
- talking to someone or several people (very cathartic to just vent or share. Amazing how many people are in the same boat. Helps me realize it's not such a big issue - many go through it)
- distract myself (go shopping, go dancing, go to a new music group for Isabel, watch a funny movie, do anything different from routine, also gives my analytic brain a rest)
- color (well this is more clear for "sex and the city" movie fans. I won't elaborate, but it's great for curing headaches and tense muscles :-) )
- let it take its course (life is about rhythms. There is always up and downs, but just remember whatever it is it will pass)
- remember it's ok to have flaws (not the end of the earth or a major issue. It's just insecurities)
- forget about it (don't try so hard to fix it - instead go do something fun and forget about it. The mind and the body have a natural way of working itself out)
- don't get attached to the result (just enjoy the journey, if it doesn't work out, try something else. don't force it)

So why am I writing this list? well, it's really to remind myself to read it when I am down or stuck in something negative. I have had trouble sleeping in the last week and had a headache (no more) pretty much for that long. Mostly due to silly insecurities and an overly analytical mind. Jaime and I have been working a lot on our business ideas. So I have been thinking day and night about them. Guess I haven't let my mind rest for the last few weeks and it's so tired that it forgot how to stop thinking.

At first, I tried so hard to fix it - fix my sleeping, fix my headache. I guess I am a problem solver. Well, it just made it (headache and trouble sleeping) worse - trying too hard is not always the answer. Now I am trying other things (list above). so far so good. :-)

Enjoying life with all its up and downs. ;-)

- Lei
p.s: I wrote this last night and went to sleep at 11:45pm. Fell asleep right away. I already had a back up plan to get up and read my Chinese karate book if I didn't. I was actually looking forward to it. I guess I was no longer attached to falling asleep and that's when it happened. I slept until 8am. :-) Life's lessons are sometimes hard but good to learn.

Thank you for depositing in my "bank account"!

Agnes send me this great story the other day that I wanted to share with all of you. It really touches on the secret to happiness although it's much easier said then done.
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A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.

His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.

As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window. I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy. Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.' 'That doesn' t have anything to do with it,' he replied. 'Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time.' Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged ... it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it.

It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life.
Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in.
So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories!

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more..
5. Expect less.
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Thank you all for depositing happy memories in my bank. I hope I can be as wise as this old man as I get older and always remember happiness is a decision I can make everyday regardless of whether I lose 50% of my stock value or win the lottery tomorrow.

- Lei