Baby Shower Gifting Etiquette - Do's and Dont's

Now that I have been invited to a few showers and had 3 myself, I thought I provide a little advice to anyone who is invited to a baby shower for the first time, in case it helps. It would have helped me years ago when I was invited to my first one.

I am still amazed at the whole shower ritual since it's not part of the Chinese culture as well as amazed as the vastly different consideration people give when they attend a shower and/or give a gift.

Do's
- Cash, checks, gift cards are king! They give the most flexibility to the mother-to-be and are always useful for diaper funds and any unforeseen future needs. If she didn't specify a store, Babies R Us, Target, or Lullaby Lane are probably best. I am personally less of a fan of Baby Gap - over priced stuff and shitty return policies
- Buy something from their registry! Parents-to-be usually spend hours researching for the right gears and stuff for their baby and put it on their registry. They consider safety issues, comfort, ease of use, parent feedback etc... They would be ecstatic to get something they actually registered for. This sounds like simple instructions. You would be amazed how many people don't follow it no matter how much you ask them to do it for you. About 30-40% of the gifts I receive were off the registry.
- Include a gift receipt for everything (whether it's from the registry of not). Even if you buy something on the registry, help out the new parent-to-be and include a gift receipt. It's a lot easier for returns. Why would they want to return something they registered for, you ask? Well, just because we registered for it, does not mean we would or the baby would actually like it once we received it. Many of the items on the registry are viewed online and sometimes when we get it, we are quite disappointed with the quality. It would be nice to have the receipt so we can easily return it and get something else we need

Donts
- If you accept a shower invitation, don't be cheap - buy a gift that is at least $20. I am surprised at the cost of giving a shower, but for most of us middle to upper class folks, a baby shower can easily cost the hostess (usually good friends of the mother-to-be) $20 a person or more for the favors, game prizes, and food. While any gift should be appreciated, if you do plan to attend a baby shower, have some class and provide a gift that is at least $20. Otherwise, it can be an insult to the hostess and potentially very embarrassing for you. If $20 is too much for you, don't attend the shower and send whatever you want. This is not about the money. It's just that since the baby shower ritual exists, it seems to be an unspoken rule.
-If you want to give a gift, don't go rogue and not provide a gift receipt. If you don't attend any baby showers, no one expect you to give a gift unless you want to. If you do want to, try to avoid going off the registry and buy something you think the mother-to-be will need. More likely than not, you will be wrong. Most new moms already warned me that I will get too much clothes especially I am having a girl. I tried to remedy that by asking people to buy from our registry and still I ended up with enough clothes for two babies between 0-6 months and not much after that. So many gift givers just want to give something that looks cute to them and not consider the hassle for the mother-to-be because she will want to return them and get something she can use or the waste it incurs when she realized that she has no idea where to return the stuff since there are no gift receipts. Perhaps I am too practical, but some gifts causes more frustration than appreciation since the gift giver is well intended but I ended up with something useless than takes up storage space.

At the end of the day, I am personally very lucky. From never intending to have any baby showers, I received 3 fabulous ones and much love and celebration at each. Between friends and family, we got at least 80% of what we need for the baby already and as I mentioned more clothes than we will ever need. For the most part, I have been able to returns gift that I don't need and get store credit. There are a few that I can't but c'est la vie. I guess it's part of the American culture.

- Lei