Sorry, but this may be kind of a morbid post but I thought it's important to keep life in perspective. In the last few weeks, I found out 3 horrible news
One person committed suicide. He was in his mid-20s and a friend of a friend's brother
One person died of cancer. He was in his early 30s and was a friend of an ex-colleague. He could have been saved, but ignored the symptoms until it was too late.
One person is in critical condition and in a coma still. He is in his late 30s and a high school friend of Jaime. His friend was driving too fast on the freeway and both were not wearing seating belts. His friend died instantly and he is struggling for his life.
Why am I being such a downer? Well, these news just remind me that life is short and fleeting. We all need to be responsible for the decisions we make in life. Unfortunately, the decisions these people made in life caused them the ultimate price. It's so sad that they were/are so young. We all need to respect the how fragile life can be. We all need to take time to also take care of ourselves. That means, reaching out for help when needed, going to the doctor if we have symptoms, and minimize reckless behavior.
It also makes me think of all the other decisions we make in life. While they are not deadly, they affect our quality of life. We decide everyday whether we will criticize others or ourselves, whether we will be nice or mean to others, whether we will fight with others over petty little things. They may seem small but they add up and causes us and others to be hurt.
Life is so short. With these stories in mind, all I want to do is hug my loves ones and tell them how much I love them every day (regardless of my flaws and their flaws). I remind myself that pointing fingers at anyone is a waste of life energy and time. We are all flawed in someway and it is how we respond to situations that makes us human and possibly great or weak.
If we experience hurt in anyway in life, our instinct is to blame others, but really it's much better to first look at ourselves and say, what can I change? How am I contributing to this? Life is precious and takes patience, forgiveness, and humility everyday. So whatever it is that is going on, remember to hug your loved ones everyday!
Warning: don't be alarmed by this post. Isabel is fine and doing well.
Isabel has an elective surgery yesterday. Around when she was 1 years old, we discovered that she has an ingurnal hernia on the left side of her groin. One night, she had what looks like a size of a golf ball mass in her left groin area, so we took her to the doctor and they were pretty sure that it was a hernia. Apparently this is very common in babies but of course alarmed us as hernia cannot be healed on its own. Surgery is required.
It took us a few months to get used to the idea but on our second surgeon visit, the Dr basically told us that to delay it is more for us than for Isabel as it increases her risk of getting an incarcerated hernia, which could be life threatening and would require emergency surgery. We listened and scheduled her surgery for this past Friday.
She of course didn't know but I was pretty nervous about it. I couldn't sleep all night Wed worrying about it and finally decided to do more research online. All of them say the same - surgery is pretty routine and risk is minor. Doing it is also necessary. Luckily I was able to sleep Thursday night as we had to get up at 6am to bring little Isabel to UCSF at 7am for her 9am Surgery.
They gave her some "happy juice" to make her a bit drowsy and calm and at 9:15am took to the OR. We were told to wait at the waiting room until we are called. The surgery is somewhere between 60-90 min. What they will do is make a small cut around her belly button and put in a scope to check if there is also a hernia on her other side. This is very common and then make a cut by her lower stomach on the left side and right side if hernia is also found to sew up the hole (hernia) that is in her lower abdomen.
Agnes and I distracted ourselves by going to the Cafe to eat breakfast. Jaime was at the hospital until 8:30am and then had to go to work. We were called at 11am to go to the recovery room and ended up leaving the hospital by 1:30pm.
All in all, the surgery went very smoothly. Dr. Hirose did find another hernia on the other side so he fixed both and Isabel bled very little. The recovery part was the only jarring part. We were told numerous times that Isabel will be drowsy when we are called back and we will be the first people she sees when she wakes up. Well, perhaps Isabel is just very strong because her anesthesia worn off a few minutes after she got to the recovery room but we were not called soon enough to be there. We arrived to a hysterical Isabel who pulled out her ivy and screaming a the top of her lungs while 3 people were hovering over her. At the time, I was pretty distraught since it totally sounds like she was in pain and no one told me how the surgery went. The next hour was kinda hellish until we realized she just freaked out waking up with an ivy and monitors on her chest and strangers in her face and Agnes and I nowhere in sight. I guess that would freak me out even.
The good news is because she pulled out her ivy and she was screaming, she is obviously healthy and strong and also cannot be given any more "happy juice." Less drugs the better. Isabel only had to take two Tylenol doses so far and seems to be doing better every hour.
She was already acting like her regular self by 1pm Friday after calming down. We got home and took these videos in the later afternoon.
She slept well last night and just have a sore throat due to the tube that was put down her throat during surgery to help her breathe. The tube was taken out before she woke from surgery and the sore throat will go away in a few days. She got 3 set of clean tape on her stomach, one on belly button and two on her lower stomach. She has stitches which will dissolve by themselves in the next two weeks. No bathing for a week just sponge bath or showers and we just have to watch out for infection. So far, looks good. No restriction on activity as kids knows to slow down if they are tired. She is a bit slower right now but will be good as new in a few days. Kids heal so fast.
I am so proud of my little girl. She was so brave, strong, already laughing, and up to mischief again. Motherhood takes a whole new level of meaning after going through that, but it just made me stronger I guess.
Glad it's over and she no longer have to worry about any hernias.
It doesn't matter how much a couple love each other, fighting is almost always inevitable. Perhaps it's expression of love to care so much. What do you think? If a couple says they never fight, are they the perfect couple or do they just not love each other enough or does one person completely dominate the relationship? If a couple always fight, are they just a bad match or do they actually fight because they care and are easier hurt by the other's words. I guess there is a balance to all things - not healthy to not fight ever or always fight. Some fighting can be good.
99% of couple fight due to one reason and one reason only - mis-communication. One person say the wrong word or the right words but with the wrong tone and the other will react to the wrong words or wrong tone and start interpreting based on their insecurities and respond back in kind (wrong word or wrong tone or both). At the end of the day, each begin pointing fingers at the other person saying why it's because the other person started first when in fact it's probably even odds who started first. Then it spirals downward to he said she said and why the other person is wrong. What is the point? To be right is to be alone and to be sacrificing the feeling of love, warmth, peace, joy. To admit wrong however seems so hard when our pride or ego or heart feel wounded.
What about taking a step back and just decide to tell the other person as soon as you feel an "attack" that "I don't think you are meaning to do this, but I am feeling attacked by your tone or words." and have the other person realize the first person is trying to not react to an unintentional slight and also back off by saying "sorry, I don't mean to attack you at all. Let me try again. I just wanted to know xyz. Is my tone ok now?"
That probably will not end up as a fight, but it is soooooooo hard to do or to remember to do. Whenever we feel attacked, even it's because of our own interpretation and not intentional by the other person, our first response is to defend or attack back or both. No time to pause and think - do I want to do this? Even if he started it, I can stop it by not reacting and try to diffuse it with an even tone. If we don't stop and think, then our insecurities take over - "she is telling me I am not good enough." "He doesn't love me enough" " He doesn't care enough" "She is attacking me for no reason." whatever we think of is WRONG but feels so true at that moment.
Fighting is unhealthy if we don't learn from our mistakes. Then we would fight the same way every single time for the rest of our lives and just learn to cope with the hurt feelings. It's not a great way to live but most couples seem to accept it as part of marriage. I guess I am only 2 years into it and still believe that people evolve and get better if they want to be better.
Let's hope my conviction is the same 10 years from now.
Jaime and I went to the cool black ball this past Sat for my friend - Clara's bday and has a blast. I can't believe she was able to get 30 people together. The cool black ball is a first annual jazz event at the fillmore by Yoshi's. We ate at this Ethiopian restaurant called Rassela that also played big band Jazz and DJ music and then went to Yoshi's for a bit afterwards.
Most of us dressed up in 1920s-50s outfits. Jaime and I had fun figuring out what to wear.
Isabel is fascinated with all my shoes, especially the high heel ones. Whichever ones she sees me wearing, she will then tries to wear it and walk around in it. She actually amazingly good at it. Check it out.
Isabel is getting very brave these days and alway climbing new heights, literally. She now can get up on a chair by herself by just throwing her leg up on the seat and pulling herself up. Almost gave me a heart attack, but she seems to be super careful at the same time, which is good. Enjoy the video.
is music to my ears and surprisingly Isabel's too. You will see what I mean. Three weeks ago, Isabel started crying out every night in the middle of the night. We were starting to worry that we had to have her cry it out again which is not easy for me to bear or that she will have to sleep with one of us. Our theory was that since she is older and also has slept with me a few nights here and there for a few hours, she is crying out to want me to pick her up and sleep with her in bed.
Agnes and I agonized for two or three nights. What do we do if she cries? How long to let her cry? Do we need to permanently allow her to sleep in bed with one of us? etc.. Well, boy were we on the wrong track.
Luckily, I was not fully willing to give up on her sleeping in her crib and thought maybe if we gave her a new bed time routine, she would not cry out for me in the middle of the night. So on the 4th night, we took her to the room and turn the lights on. I read to her a few books while turning on her music soother. Once I turned off the lights, I also held her for 5 more minutes and just spoke to her in Chinese about her day and telling her goodnight. Between the nice blue lights from her soother and more time with me, she seemed calm and went to bed no problem. She didn't cry that night at all and slept all the way until 7am.
One more thing, because of all the extra bed time routine, we forgot to turn on the classical music we play her all through out the night. I started doing that after I came back from Chicago and saw that Jaime's sister did that for her baby Gabby and she seems to sleep really well.
Well, long story short, the second night I did the same bed time routine with her and noticed one thing just before leaving the room. Isabel turned off her soother music before she went to sleep. And it dawned on me. She was crying in the middle of the night before because the classic music was probably too loud. Once she woke up she could not go back to sleep and she couldn't turn it off herself, unlike the soother.
We tested our theory - still continue the bedtime routine as well and no more classical music. Well, she has been sleeping like an angel. I guess it was too late of an age for her to get used to all night music after having silence for the first 15 months of her life. Unlike Gabby who is probably used to it, it bothered Isabel and she slept soundly in my room because there was silence.
Moral of the story: Never jump too quickly to conclusions as we don't always know what's going on. Also every baby is unique. What works for one may bother another.
Motherhood is a constant guessing game and a roller coaster ride. It's challenging and lots of learning that is worth every effort :-)
a lifetime partnership | a beautiful couple | wonderful friends| always in search of balance, laughter, and oh yes, ways to slack off productively. "Extraordinary together is better than ordinary apart" - Meredith Grey
