Did you know that what we learned and conclude about ourselves between the ages of 0 to 7 years old, fundamentally determines who we are as adults - whether we are confident, perfectionist, overachievers, insecure, passionate etc...If you look at any issues you may have today as adults, if you look deep enough, it's probably stems from something that happened between birth and age 7. It doesn't necessarily have to be something dramatic. This also doesn't mean you had bad parents. Your parents probably tried their best.
As I am a parent now, I am very conscious of what environment Isabel is living in and how I respond to her. She is an open book right now, a blank slate and it is important for me to realize how powerful my role is as a mom in her eyes. Of course, I can't and won't be perfect but just being conscious of how my response may affect her even if she doesn't seem to fully understand what's going on will help me be a better parent.
Recently, while reading in the book - Rays of Dawn - I learned something very important about parenthood. It said "to be hasty and inconsiderate with children breeds fear, discouragement, or self-condemnation."
I think how easy it can be sometimes for a parent to be impatient with a child. Children are great at interrupting parents no matter what we may be doing and it is our role as adults to realize that it's not the kids' fault to be excited and want to share something with me. It is our role to patiently educate kids to perhaps wait until I am done with something and not just react impatiently or drop everything whenever they call on us (which is unrealistic).
My relationship with Isabel hasn't gotten to that point yet as I am always so happy to see her but I can see once she starts walking and talking, she may want my attention all the time and I cannot always give it. In which case, I want to remind myself to be patient.
In this book, I also learned that "Many an inferiority complex can be attributed to a parent's or teacher's habitual impatient attitude toward a deficiency or a lack in the child." I can see this being especially true with Asian parents as we may focus too much attention on the 10 points a child may have missed on a test instead of also celebrating the 90 points she got. Culturally, we think this is tough love and will only make our kids better, but I think there is a balance to everything and Isabel will need as much encouragement and support from us as well as understanding where she can be better.
Parenthood is a challenge and a great adventure. I am so looking forward to educating Isabel on the wonders of the world, encouraging her to explore and perhaps make mistakes, be always curious to learn more, and letting her know that no matter what, we will always love her, support her. This is easier said than done, but I am enjoying every moment as a mom.
- Lei
No comments:
Post a Comment