Got Milk?

Not a lot and I am kind of sad about it. I love breastfeeding Isabel. I feel so close to her when I breastfeed her. My favorite moments are when I lie down to feed her and she falls asleep snoring. She sound so happy and at peace and I end up falling asleep with her. I feel like I just got a A+ on a test and I got to sleep through the whole thing :-) (nerdy I know, but true).

I also love breastfeeding her on the rocking chair with the boppy pillow. She sometimes would just drift off to sleep and I can just watch her breathe. Unlike lying down where I can't see her well while she feeds, I can see every single details sitting on the chair. I used to love watching her eyelashes grow over time as I feed her. It's also such a content, serene feeling to just watch her sleep. It's like I can feel all the innocence and wonder in the world through her calm breathe and dreamy expression.

Breastfeeding of course has not been all "hot chocolate and smiles." It was definitely quite challenging at first.

-I had blood blisters for the first 10 days and therefore piercing pain whenever she fed which was about 10 times a day.

-My shoulders and arm used to ached so much because I didn't know how to hold her well when she fed and I was tense that she was uncomfortable.

-She sometimes cried even when she was feeding. It was rare but when it happened I felt so inadequate even though it may not have anything to do with milk. She may just need to burp or sometimes it's because I was dehydrated so milk was coming as fast for her.

-After 4 or 5 months, the TV would distract if I fed her in the living room and it was like a wrestling match to fed her at times.

-I also had trouble pumping milk. It took me four weeks to learn and get used to it. The first time I pumped, my nipples literally doubled in size and hardened. It freaked me out.

- Last, but not the least, breastfeeding means never having a full night sleep. Up until last months, I was getting up still at least once a night to pump as Isabel is sleeping through the night but my breasts were full of milk by 6am and would wake me up.

I am sure there were other challenges as well, although I don't remember anymore.

It all worked out in the end and it is worth all the effort. I was really determined to breastfeed her. There is definitely no substitute that is quite the same. I felt so needed every time she fed. Now that is changing. I was so afraid that she won't reach out for me the same since I have less milk. It turns out to be a silly worry. She is almost 10 months and knows I am her mommy. While I only feed her twice a day and the rest is formula or solids, she still looks so excited to see me at all times. Ahh, what a great feeling to be a mom. Isabel shows me everyday what unconditional love looks like and I am basking in the glow of it.

-Lei