Sitting around

Isabel can sit a little bit now. She still falls over sideways if we don't hold her, but at least she doesn't fall forward anymore. It's so cute.

- Lei

Cold Turkey - night 3

She didn't sleep until 9:45pm, but she slept all the way through to 7:15am this time. I was restless all night worried about her, waiting for her to cry, and feeling relieved when I didn't hear it. Motherhood is tough at times.

We agreed to feed her at 8am so she cried and complained from 7:15 to 8. And then I fed her and took a nap with her for an hour. Those are the best times. She was snoring, so cute.

I am hoping tonight will be just as good as last night. No guarantees though. She is a baby after all. Wish us luck..

- Lei

Cold Turkey - night 2

Isabel fell asleep before 9pm last night and woke up twice (at 1am and at 5:30am). I am really glad I went out salsa dancing last night because I was so tired, I was able to sleep through the crying while Agnes soothed her according to the Ferber Method. I don't think I could have taken it if I was awake. Isabel was up 45 min at 1am and almost 90 min at 5:30am. But she did fall asleep after that until 8am. While I was able to sleep through most of it, I dreamt again of feeding her and cuddling her in my dreams.

I fed her in the morning at 8:15am. She ate and slept with me until 11:30am. I guess I felt guilty, although it's so necessary. We have spoiled her by feeding her at night when she really doesn't need it. Now we are correcting that.

Tonight will be hard, as I am at home all night. I am trying to sleep late, so I will be tired later and won't wake up to her crying... my poor baby... On the bright side, I am saving up more milk for her as I still pump at night.

The battle continues... wish us luck... She looks so cute unswaddled and snoring

- Lei

Cold Turkey

Isabel is almost 6 months old. We finally decided it's time for her to sleep through the night, unswaddled and unfed. This is hard as this mean we would have to let her "cry it out" if she wakes up in the middle of the night, not pick her up, or feed her. We are using the Ferber Method. It will not affect her health as she can go without eating for 24 hrs and be fine. It's just that she is so used to waking up and eating in the middle of the night. We have to do this to break the habit eventually.

We started this last night. She actually went to sleep by 8:50pm and didn't wake up until 4:45am this morning. But then she cried and cried for what seemed like forever (maybe 45 min). Agnes soothed her according to the Ferber method (first after 5 min, then 10, then 15). Isabel fell asleep and then woke up again at 6:10am.

This time hearing her cry was heart wrenching. All I dreamed about before she woke up again was feeding Isabel and holding her in my arms. We originally agree to not feed her until 7am but I couldn't take it. Since she already fell asleep once on her own, I fed her at 6:30am and she fell sleep by 6:50.

She woke up at 8:15 this morning and seems fine. We have to do this again tonight and thereafter until she sleeps through the night. yikes. At least I am so lucky that Agnes is doing this. I just need to stay out of the room and let her cry, which is soooo hard already. Wish us luck.

- Lei

Trying solids

Agnes and I gave Isabel some rice soup on Saturday (at 5.5 months old) for the first time. Agnes made it (we are so lucky to have her). As we suspected, she ate it up. Breast milk is good but I guess she is ready for some variety. Thank goodness for that, as she is drinking so much breast milk now, I am hungry all the time again.

-Lei

Listen, I am talking to you

All of a sudden, a few days ago, Isabel started babbling a lot. I guess now that she mastered turning over on one side, she has moved on to bigger things. It's amazing to see her develop her vocal cords and seeing how she will figure out speech.

- Lei

Waiting for the other shoe to drop

Being a new mom is sometimes like waiting for the other shoe to drop. I hated it when I feel that way, but for some reason I cannot shake it at times. I feel it at least once a week. I wonder if all new moms go through this or just moms who are also type A perfectionists.

Do you know what I mean by waiting for the other shoe to drop? It's the anticipation of something unpleasant to happen. For example, whenever I go do a blood test, I have to look at the needle to see when it will prick me. This way, I can relax until it happens and I know how long it will last and only brace for the discomfort when I see the needle go in. Otherwise, if I was looking away, I would hate the feeling of anticipating that pain but not knowing when it's going to happen. Then I end up suffering for the whole time I am there waiting and when the needle hits me.

Well, it's like that sometime with Isabel. She is a baby, so her sleep schedule is unpredictable. Sometime, she gets up once or none during the night and other times she may get up 3 times in one night. For some reason, some nights, I would feel uneasy and almost wait for her to wake up to feed. That unfortunately translates to very light and uneasy sleep.

I think it's because I associate her getting up multiple times with her being uncomfortable or hurt for some reason. I have tried all kinds of methods to find out what makes her comfortable. Most of which is around the temperature of her room and how much she is wearing. It's obsessive, I know, but somehow I keep doing it. I am getting better as I have noticed no clear pattern. Like a scientist, I have been keeping track of her room temperature and how often she gets up, with no clear answers.

At the end of the day, I think I just need to accept that she is a baby and actually a very healthy one. Her getting up once or many times is random, it's what babies do, and I can't change it even if I want to. I guess it is the control freak side of me that is having a hard time accepting it.

I am not always like this every night. Just some nights, especially when I am really tired. I guess I then try to control her environment hoping she won't get up too early since I need rest. I end up doing the opposite however and worry so much that I don't rest even though she sleeps fine. Ironically, during those nights, I actually am relieved when she finally does get up to feed. It's similary to finally feeling that needle in the arm of a blood test. I end up relaxing and sleeping like a baby after that.

Life as a new mom is definitely different in some ways. I am coping better everyday though. Some of the illogical things I do doesn't even make sense to me, but I guess this is what people mean when they say no one worries the way a mom does for her baby.

- Lei

I am a big girl now

Look at me, I can sit and drink from the bottle now. I hold my bottle with one hand, so no one can take it away. :-)

- Isabel

She is starting to ....

crawl... Wow, it's so wonderful to witness how she is figuring this out. First, she figured out how to use her arms to turn 360 degrees. Now, she is piking up her hips and scooting forward. I am so glad I caught this on video. She can only move a little, but we definitely cannot leave her alone on the bed anymore.

-Lei

Taste like lemons

Imagine you saw someone take a big bite into a lemon, how do you feel? Does your mouth water just a little? I did as I think most people would because our brain remembers how sour it was when we did it before. This is how our brain could make our body feel something (like the taste of a lemon) that isn't actually real.

I was reminded of this when I saw Dr. Peter Goldman and asked him to help me with my left shoulder which seems to always have a tight knot in it. I told him I attribute it to my work injury 4 years old and also now when I stress about anything. I told him it just doesn't seem to go away. I have tried working out, getting massages, going to chiropractor and acupuncture. I would get some relief and then it would just come back as soon as I am stressed about something.

He then told me the lemon story above and told me that in fact I am compounding the issues by thinking about fixing it so much. Every time I stress about this knot in my back and remember my injury 4 years old, my mind actually will tell my body to remember the tightness I felt then. Therefore, it continues to remain tight. He told me instead to know that I have a healthy back now and that the tightness is very temporary. Just touch my shoulder a few times when it's tight and then forget about it. Don't agonize on why it's tight or what causes it. He then adjusted me to put my body back in balance.

Guess what, ever since then, I followed his advice and my left shoulder is a lot less tight then before. :-) It's amazing how the mind can play tricks on the body.

- Lei

Isabel is 5 months old

Isabel is 5 months old today. Wow, how time flies. Still 100% breast fed, she is healthy, smiling a lot, and really enjoys looking around outside. She also can play a lot on her own now, mostly on her tummy. She can move 360 degrees with her arms and use her feet to also move a little distance. Crawling wouldn't be far behind. She is 16 pounds and growing taller every day.

Making her laugh is so fun, that we couldn't resist doing it again. This time Jaime is making sounds with his hands and Isabel just love it. Here is another one taken a week ago.

- Lei